Or, How To Survive as an Old Person

My Blackberry Curve is obsolete, my laptop only has a dual processor, my Nook desktop won’t read side by side page PDF converted books and the list goes on. As an old person, I am scheduled to be sitting on the porch in my rocking chair, shawl loosely draped across my shoulders, watching the cars go by. But, somewhere between my freshman year at Mizzou and today I ran off the track to “old personhood.”

When 8 tracks came and went, I was bit miffed. I liked 8 tracks, aside from the fact they were junk and never worked correctly. Since then, I’ve been playing catch up. Arriving in the digital age with a Mac, I felt well equipped to handle the future, but, that only lasted a couple of years. Then it was over to PCs and the upgrading has never stopped. Today, I learned the next generation of Android will not have 4G. That was a turning point in my quest to remain on top of the game.

It’s a Scam

I’ve seen ideas and fads come ago as often as Liz Taylor changed husbands. Through it all, I’ve been a trooper. Along the line, I suspected I was being played, but, why complain when I’m having fun. Who can’t enjoy HD pc screens and quad processors. What’s not to like about computing just below the speed of light? Somewhere in the back of my head lay the thought,

“this sure is expensive to stay ahead of the curve.”

But, I ignored it. A few bucks here, a few bucks there and I was one of the cutting edge crowd again, and again. I could tweet with the best of them using Seesmic. My blog themes were state of the art. The Verizon MiFi (hotspot) kept me online where ever there was a cell tower in range. I was one cool dude for being an “old guy.” But, at what cost? And, why did it cost so much to be “soooo coool?”

Straw Breaking Camel Back

Although it’s an adage, wiser words could not be spoken. I’ve just about had it with the “upgrade” game. There’s no real upgrading. There’s purchasing a new (plug in appropriate gadget name here—). When one upgrades from a Blackberry Curve to the Blackberry Tour, one does not get to stay with the Curve handset. No, one must purchase a new phone to get the latest techno wizzie things. When I want a faster processor or more ram for my laptop or desktop, it’s almost as cheap to buy a new unit as it is to top off the old one. And, when I top off my old laptop most of the current hardware will hold back the newest upgrade from peak performance. So, upgrading is not really an option. The option one always chooses is purchasing from the ground up.

Buy an iPad, or Droid?

If one were to think through the process of mobility, an entire suitcase of items would be needed. My recent trips to Richmond and Charlotte proved I needed multiple devices to fully enjoy my flight/and airport time. One needs a tablet size device to enjoy reading while “in flight.” The distance between my stomach and the seat back (even in the upright position) will not accommodate a full size lap top. Reading on a Blackberry Curve will make aged eyes go blurry.

One might suggest I take a book. Have you priced books lately? Two books and I’ll be half way toward an upgrade to a Droid. After the book’s read, it collects dust on one of my many bookshelves. I could purchase a Nook but then I’d have to buy eBooks. The processors even in the Nook Color are not strong enough to use outside of email. During a two hour flight I read three newspapers. Yes, I’m a quick reader with limited interests.

Go Retro

Now faced with upgrading to the Droid when they get 4G, I have a choice. Go forward or revert. The question which lurks in my mind,

“can I do it?”

Heather will tell you flat out, “no.”

My curiosity will not allow me to sit on the screen porch all day. I love the porch. We have humming birds, orioles, wild birds arriving and departing all day. But, after a few minutes, maybe an hour, I’m bored and wondering what’s up with the markets. If I take the laptop to the porch, then I’m tempted to look on Twitter, and then my Google desktop. From there, I’m hopeless. I cannot resist delving into the stories and an article starts fomenting.

I bought a Madras shirt in hopes the old 60′s college mindset might return. Days of chasing young skirts about campus and inhaling vast quantities of beer. Well, maybe not that far back. I don’t chase anything and vast quantities of anything, but sleep, seem pointless.

Want vs Need vs Reality

And so, I arrive at the conclusion of many congressional folk. There’s no hope. Neither can we cut the budget, nor can we stop upgrading. We are locked in a hopeless death spiral to the end.

“No, wait, Heather just announced she’s serving fresh apple pie and ice cream on the porch.”

Maybe there’s hope.