Ever give someone something and have them abuse it or ignore it or even worse not say thank you? I have experienced all of those. Fortunately, the first has not been a frequent event. The middle one seems to be a sore point with us.
We make soap and candles for Christmas for everyone. It takes quite a bit of effort and some expense to hand make candles and soap. We use the melt and pour soap, it is safer production and in my opinion better for us. A good bar of glycerin soap is expensive. We scent and color it in new varieties every year. We have yet to hear back, “thanks, the light green soap was fantastic.” Not a peep from them about any of their gifts for 3 years now.
To say I am hurt is an over statement, but I am disturbed. It seems ungrateful. In a way maybe I feel disrespected. Maybe I should not, but it’s there. We are both bothered by the lack of response from anyone.
Control over gifts defeats the purpose. Giving is unconditional. Loving is unconditional. Loving someone does not require reciprocity. It should. “I love you, so you should love me.” Loving a child is natural, but what if one doesn’t love their child? Is that bad parenting? In my opinion, Parenting requires food, shelter, protection, guidance, and the ability to appreciate their efforts.
Beyond that anything a child gets is a bonus. A person cannot love everyone, it is just not possible. To show kindness, warm, generosity to everyone might be possible. But for me love is an emotion which comes from within me. I cannot control it. I might repress it, but it does not go away.
I am fortunate, I love my children. The bond I feel for them is very deep. The connection I feel to people I love never goes away. I am not one that can divorce a person emotionally. If I love them, it’s is permanent. If someone causes serious hurt or consequences in my life, I repress my feelings for them and over time am able to wall them off in my head.
Person equals pain or difficulty, therefore person is a non-plus and not welcome in my head space. Love is still there, feelings still there, just compartmentalized to keep from interfering with my life. Is that healthy? Probably not, but it works for me and has for many years. It beats de-humanization or demonizing someone.
So, why do we have to give unconditionally? Because that is what giving is. A show of affection toward someone. I care about you, so I am offering you a gift. Not, “it’s Christmas, so here is your thing, my job is done.” That is reason retailers are still healthy. They feed of the U.S. residents need to comply with the norm.
Notice, I said, U.S. resident. We are Americans, but so are Canadians and Mexicans. In reality we are North Americans. Even Brazilians are Americans, just they are South Americans. They think of themselves as Brazilians, and do not associate with the continent. Because we are large country with many regions and states we refer to ourselves by our continent. Canadians and Mexicans do not normally call themselves Americans.
Enough diversions, if we did not have media, how many gifts would be purchase each year? If you didn’t know about iPods, or eBay, how worried would you be about what you gave? Is it about the thought or the price or the image?
I care about you, so I am giving you a gift. If you choose to tear it up, throw it away, use it as a door stop, or put it in the attic, your choice. It is my gift to you to do with as you wish.
Just say something, that’s all I ask. Is that too selfish, too controlling? Probably. Apologies if it is.
